dividedwefall50

11:04 am: WHATEVER U SAY
                LABOR DAY WEEKEND
                    YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
                                              WE HAD TO GET iT CRUNK!
                                DRiNKiNG AND PARTYiNG TiME

HUNG OUT WiTH MY HOME BOiZ!... RiCK AND DANiEL MOST OF THE TiME. jUST DRiViNG  AROUND. WENT TO LiKE 5 PARTYS THiS WHOLE WEEKEND. THAT SHiT WAS OFF THE HOOK! jUST DOiNG OUR NORMAL SHiT.. DRiNKiNG, SMOKiNG, THiZZiNG, AND PARTYiNG. i LOVE THOSE BOiZ TO DEATH! BUT OF COURSE WHATS A WEEKEND WiTH OUT DRAMA.. AND OF COURSE iT'S ALWAYS SOMEONE TRYiNG TO MESS WiTH ME OR WHATEVER. BUT iT WAS FUNNY.. iT WAS SATURDAY, i THiNK,  AND THiS CHiC COMES UP TO ME AND STARTS TALKiNG SHiT LiKE SHE KNEW ME OR SOMETHiNG. LOLz! SO AT FiRST i WALKED AWAY, BECOS i WAS iN NO CONDiTiON TO BE FiGHTiNG THAT NiGHT. AS i WAS WALKiNG AWAY, SHE GRABBED MY ARM AND PULLED ME BACK. SO i GAVE HER A WARNiNG AND TOLD HER TO LET GO OF MY ARM BEFORE i SWiNG AT HER. BUT OF COURSE THAT STUPiD BiTCH DiDN'T, SO OF COURSE i SWUNG AND KNOCKED HER ON THE SiDE OF HER HEAD. i TELL YOU, THAT WAS THE LAST TiME SHE MESSED WiTH ME THAT NiGHT! LOLz! STUPiD BiTCHES NEED TO LEARN NOT TO MESS WiTH ME WHEN i'M LiKE THAT. THEN AFTER THAT, i GUESS HER BOYFRiEND OR SOME SHiT, TRiED STARTiNG SHiT WiTH MY BOi DANiEL. BUT i WASN'T HAViNG ANY OF THAT, SO i WENT OFF ON HiM. AND HE WAS ACTiNG LiKE HE WANTED TO SWiNG AT ME. i TOLD ME GO AHEAD AND DO iT, BUT WHATEVER. ABOUT 5 MiNUTES LATER, WE SAiD LATER TO OUR OTHER BOiZ THAT WE'RE THROWiNG THE PARTY AND ME, DANiEL, AND RiCK BOUNCED.

THEN WE WENT OVER TO jASON'S HOUSE, COS HE HAD HOUSE AND HE SAiD HE WAS jUST GOiNG TO HAVE A FEW PEOPLE OVER COS HE DiDN'T WANT ANY DRAMA AND SHiT. BUT SiNCE iT WAS jASON'S HOSUE, EVERYONE WANTED TO GO. SO BY THE TiME WE GOT THERE, THERE WAS ALREADY 'BOUT 3O HEADS UP iN THERE. i STARTED LOOKiNG FOR jASON, BUT HE WAS NO WHERE TO BE FOUND. i GOT PEOPLE TELLiNG ME HiS iN THE BATHROOM, HE WENT TO THE STORES TO GET MORE BEER AND SHiT, AND THAT HE WAS jUST UP STAiRS SLEEPiNG. WTF!! jASON SLEEPiNG AT A PARTY!! HELL NO! i FOUND HiM LiKE 20 MiNUTES LATER, HE WAS iN THE BACKYARD ON THE PHONE. HE GOT OFF THE PHONE AND WAS LiKE "COURTNEY WE GOT TO BREAK THiS SHiT UP! THE BOYZ ALREADY BEEN HERE TWiCE, THEY SAiD iF THEY HAVE TO BACK HERE ONE MORE TiME, THEiR GOiNG TO TAKE ME iN." i WAS LiKE "SHiT!" WE GOT EVERYONE OUT WiTHiN THE NEXT 20 MiNUTES. SO, iT WAS jUST ME, jASON, DANiEL, AND RiCK jUST CHiLLiN. WE ALL WENT OUT A FEW MiNUTES LATER, WENT TO GO GRAB SOME BURGER. THEN WE RAN iNTO ERiC, jUSTiN, KELLY, AND RANDi, AND THEY TOLD US THEiR WAS ANOTHER PARTY AT SEAN'S HOUSE. SO WE WENT THEiR FOR MAYBE LiKE AN HOUR OR SO. COS RiCK GOT iNTO A FiGHT WiTH SOME PUNK BiTCH jOHN. THAT BiTCH THiNKS HE SO COOL. LMAO!

WE WENT BACK TO jASON'S HOUSE AND CRASHED THERE FOR THE NiGHT. COS BY THE TiME WE LEFT SEAN'S HOUSE, iT WAS ALREAY LiKE 4. AND i COULDN'T GO HOME, COS MY DAD SAiD iF iTS LATER THEN 2-3 jUST STAY OUT. COS THERE'S NO REASON FOR ME TO GO HOME. LOLz! HE DON'T CARE. AS LONG AS i DON'T GET PiCKED UP BY THE BOYZ, HE DON'T CARE. AND PLUS HE THiNKS iM A GOOD GiRL.



     EVEN THOUGH i LEFT PiTTSBURG THEiR STiLL TALKiNG SHiT...
iM SiCK OF THiS SHiT, BUT THiS iS FUNNY. i LEFT PiTTSBURG, THiNKiNG EVERYTHiNG iS COOL. BUT THEN A FEW DAYZ AGO, i GET A CALL STAYiNG THAT PEOPLE ARE TALKiNG SHiT ABOUT ME DOWN THERE AND THEY WERE ASKiNG ME iF i WAS GOiNG BACK DOWN THERE TO STRAiGHTEN THiNGS OUT. AND i WAS LiKE, iF i DO GO BACK DOWN THERE, iTS NOT GOiNG TO BE A VERY PLEASANT ViSiT. THEN THEY START TELLiNG ME iTS A GiRL TALKiNG SHiT ANT TELLiNG RUMORS 'BOUT ME. TALKiNG SHiT ABOUT CHAVEZ, jOAQUiN, AND THE WHOLE CAR ACCiDENT THiNG. SO i WAS LiKE, WHATEVER, LET THEM TALK SHiT AND THiNK THEiR GETTiNG AWAY WiTH iT, BUT iTS jUST GOiNG TO HiT YOU RiGHT BACK iN FACE LATER ON DOWN THE ROAD. iM DONE WiTH THAT SHiT. i FUCKiNG HATE DRAMA!


               ON THAT NOTE...
                     PEACE!

                

11:02 am:                 LABOR DAY WEEKEND
                     YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
                                              WE HAD TO GET iT CRUNK!

                                DRiNKiNG AND PARTYiNG TiME

                

02:23 am: Sad to say but.. Good-Bye Pittsburg!

It's like every two years I have to change schools or some shit. Now I'm starting out my Junior year at Arroyo High, where I know no one! Which sucks, because I left a school where I actually had fun and got away with shit because I was friends with the Security Guards and everyone.. but now I'm going to a school where I know no one! I'm leaving a school where I was going to be on the Varsity Volleyball team for the rest of my high school career.. and now I have to impress the coachs and the athletic director just to make a team this year, because I'm going to have to start school a week late! How screwed up can this get?!

I'm already pissed off at the fact that things didn't go good over the summer.. because Ricky had to do some stupid shit and bring me into and ruined all my chances that I had with Daniel. Cos now Daniel won't even talk to me, he can barely look at me anymore.. and it sucks! Everything between Daniel and I were going good, until the two weeks of summer school.

Then to top it off, of course, I get into another fight with my mother.. But now it's like we fight 4 days a week. Which leads me to moving out and moving to my dad's in San Leandro. So I had to change schools and everything, cos my dad wasn't going to drive me all the way out the Pittsburg every morning and he didn't want me taking bart every day at like 5 in the morning.

But I guess with everything that went on this summer, it was best for me to leave. Because I guess everyone is blaming me for what Ricky did. Which I think is pretty screwed up.. I told him to take the car back, but does Ricky listen?! When does Ricky ever listen?! To anyone?! And Richard says I'm the one that is suppose to keep everyone sane.. I'm not responisble for anyone's actions, but mine. Yeah, I try to talk some people out of doing stupid things, but since when does anyone actually listen to me. It's like they just walk right over me and I was getting sick of it. I needed a change, I needed to get away from those people.. Yeah I'm going to miss them, because they were actually my good friends.. But were they really?! If they were good friends, they won't have blamed me for Ricky's stupid action. And I still haven't really found out why Daniel was mad at me.. I don't know if it was just because I didn't call him when I found out that Ricky took the car.. or if it was what I told him a few days before that.. I don't know, it's just way too confusing. But I guess I can understand why Daniel is mad at me.. but why is Joaquin?! Joaquin had nothing to do with it.. and with everything I've done for Joaquin, this is how he repays me..

Then I find out Joaquin's putting things inside Daniel's head, saying I was just playing around with his emotions and that I was just going to do the same things I did with him! Fuck that! I wouldn't do that, because honestly.. I really liked Daniel, I wouldn't want to hurt him or anything. Joaquin is just mad because I didn't like him anymore, I didn't talk to him anymore, and that I wouldn't answer his calls. So fuck him! Joaquin is the one that screwed it up for himself.. if I didn't find out that he was lying to me, I would probably still like him.

Daniel hasn't talked to me ever since the night at Sammy's house.. And the thing that sucks the most, is that I can't get him off my mind. It's like I try not to think about him, but either way I end up thinking about him. Just by looking at my hand I think about him, just because I have a bite mark from like 3 months ago, and it won't go away. Megan says it's because it means something.. but if it meant something, what does it mean?!

08:53 pm: i DON'T NEED YOU
         i FUCKiN HATE HiM!

yeah.. i thought after a few days or maybe even weeks that we would be friends again. Maybe not as good of friends as we use to be.. but whatever! But if he wants to play this stupid fuckin game.. trust i can play too!

In front of everyone you act like you don't know me or whatever, but when we're alone or whatever you think we're all cool! FUCK THAT! Yeah.. i thought you were a nice guy, but now that i know both sides of you.. i don't want to know you either! After that whole thing happened and you were mad at me.. a week later who gets drunk.. and who took care of you that night.. who made sure you were okay, who made sure someone gave you a ride home so you didn't have to walk home at 1:30 in the fuckin morning!! You know what.. do whatever you want.. but when you change schools becos over this stupid shit.. don't blame that shit on me! And quit calling me with a blocked number and not saying anything.. And yeah i know my friend Rick sent you a message telling you how you made me so happy or whatever.. Back then, yeah, you made me happy, but now, you just make me SiCK! I don't need you in my life.. ever since that whole thing happen, you have done nothing but put me down. i don't need that.. and i don't need YOU! When we first started talking, i was telling you how you were different from the other guys i've talked to.. and you said you would never do that or turn out like them.. but now look.. your just like them!! Then i found out that a few days after that happened.. you were telling jessi how much you loved me and forgave me. That's a bunch of BULLSHiT!

03:47 pm: Wut It Do U Beezie!
Iight.. look August 28th last day of Summer Vacation.. Cos on the 29th I go back to school.
So before the 29th.. I don't know when.. but I'm gunna party it up BIG!! No exceptions!

As of right now, I don't know where and I don't know when.. but it's going to mutha fuckin' happen! There's gunna be HELLA drinks, like a ZiP of Al Green, and some THIZZ!

Who's there?! We're gunna party like MAC DRE! Becos we're TYCOONS!!

Lolz.. yeah that just popped in my head and thats whats going down!

N E wayz..

Last night .. where to start.. hmm.. After my dad, Annie, and my brother went to sleep.. I went out with my home boi Rick.. We went to his boi's house. Listen when I first walked into the house.. I SWEAR I saw NOTHING but SMOKE... it was TIGHT! As you get to the table there was nothing on it BUT alcohol! I got so MUTHA FUCKIN' BENT! But it was cool... thats how I got my idea for the end of summer vacation party..

02:55 am:                "the hardest thing is looking at what is happening right in front of your face"


I know I haven't written in here for like a month.. and in that past month alot of drama has happened. But the one thing that had effected my life the most is what happened between me and Daniel. The one guy that I've liked for the past year.. and in one day I lost everything I had with him. It's was mostly caused by Ricky's stupid actions, but I'm not going to blame him. Because with my past relationships with guys have failed horribly. But the thing that hurt the most is the fact that Daniel was the only guy that actually got me and loved the way I was and never wanted me to change. But on Friday, July 29th something happened.. it started out like a normal Friday, Ricky gettting into fights with his friends because he was drunk. But then, Ricky and Daniel got into a fight, and finally Daniel stood up for himself and hit Ricky back. But since it was at a park of course someone else saw the fight and decided to call the boys, so we all left before the boys got there. But Ricky wouldn't get into the car with everyone else and he left on his own. We all thought he was just going to go back home and cool down.. but we all guessed wrong. He went to the store and bought himself more beer. So when he did that, everyone else went to Highlands to settle down. Daniel and I were laying down under one of the trees talking as the other guys sat there and talked about what just happened. A little bit later Joaquin had to leave, so he took Daniel and Sammy. And Richard had to go somewhere and he told Chrissa and I to stay there and wait for Ricky because he was going to pick us up because he was with Butch in his 5.0. So Chrissa and I waited there for like 30 minutes and finally Ricky showed up, but the twist was he wasn't in Butch's 5.0, he was in Daniel's mom's Escalade. And Ricky ends up crashing the Escalade and running away from it. But the thing Ricky didn't know was that Rob, Brauli, and some other people saw everything that happened. So Rob calls Ricky's brother Bryan and tells him that Chrissa and I were with him.. then Bryan calls Daniel to tell him that Ricky's got the Escalade and crashed it. Then about 2 hours later I get a call from Daniel and he's saying that the cops want to talk to me because their trying to find Ricky. So I talk to the cops and they tell me if I don't give them any clues that they were going to put me in the drivers seat and put me in jail.. so I told them that he went to his friends house, but I don't know who's. So after all that I just decide to go to San Leandro for the weekend, because I thought if I got away for the weekend nothing else can get fucked up.. but I was wrong again. Later that night.. I login on to myspace and I have a message from Daniel saying to write him and tell him how sorry I am.. so I wrote him back saying I was sorry.. Then the next day I get another message saying never to talk to him again and that he was mad at me for not calling him when I first found out that Ricky had the car. So you can tell that message just made my day.. NOT! Then later that day I found out that the cops took him out of summer school, because he wasn't allowed to talk to Chrissa and I, and since all 3 of us had the same summer school class they took Daniel out. Not only that, but Ricky turned himself in.. and he has to go to court and everything. He's getting charged for Grand Theift Auto, Hit and Run, Wreckless driving, driving without L's, and possibly Breaking an entery. So by the looks of it.. his going to get locked up for a couple years. But the thing I don't get it that fact that he forgave Ricky for everything, but yet he still hates me. WTF?!?

And the hardest thing was trying not to get emotional when I saw him, because we hang out with the same people. So when I got back to Pittsburg on Monday after school we went to Ricky's house to hang out, then Joaquin leaves for alittle bit and comes back, but when he came back, he was with Daniel.. And since he said that to me.. I went straight to Richard's truck and sat in there with Chrissa until we left.

Then this Friday I went to Sammy's house for the night for alittle party. And Daniel ends up being there.. At first it was just Sammy, Daniel, Richard, and I.. But then Sammy and Richard left to get some beer.. and left Daniel and I alone in Sammy's house. And out of no where Daniel just comes up to me and asked me why I didn't call him when I first saw Ricky with the car. Then he just starts talking to me.. so I was like whatever.. but as the night goes on, Daniel starts talking to me more and acting like he used to around me.. but then someone would bring up the accident and he would get all sour and everything. And of course he starts drinking and starts getting alittle drunk, and then he ends up puking, and Sammy asks me to take care of him and to check up on once in a while and everything.. so I did.. just because Sammy asked me, but I bet Daniel is going to think that I was just doing that because I still like him.. but honestly it wasn't because of that.

02:45 am: HmMm..
WELL iM AT THE HOUSE iN SAN LEANDRO AND FOR NOW iM jUST GOiNG TO LiVE WiTH MY DAD ON THE WEEKENDS AND jUST LiVE WiTH MY MOM DURiNG THE WEEK. iTS GOiNG TO SUCK, i KNOW, BUT THERES NO OTHER WAY FOR ME TO STAY AT PiTT iF i DONT. AND i DONT WANT TO LEAVE ALL MY FRiENDS AT PiTT!! i DONT FEEL LiKE DOiNG EVERYTHiNG OVER AGAiN, LiKE i ALWAYS DO. YOU WOULD THiNK AFTER i MOVED SO MANY TiMES i WOULD GET USED TO iT, BUT iM NOT. iT jUST SUCKS LiKE 10 TiMES WORST EVERYTiME i MOVE! AND iVE NOTiCED EVERYTiME iVE MOVED, MY DAD jUST DOES iT. HE DOESNT ASK OR NOTHiNG. BUT WHATEVER! WELL iLL WRiTE MORE LATER.. i HAVE TO GO.. i HAVE A "FRiEND" OVER!! AND iM GETTiNG YELLED AT BY MY BROTHER BECAUSE HES A LiTTLE BiTCH!

08:54 pm: SAD NEWS.. : (
WELL i THOUGHT AFTER FRiDAY THAT NOTHiNG COULD GET WORST. i GUESS i THOUGHT WRONG. OKAY HERES ANOTHER BAD PART ABOUT HAViNG YOUR PARENTS SPLiT UP, i HAVE A COUPLE CHOiCES..

CHOiCE 1- MOVE TO SAN LEANDRO WiTH MY DAD, ANNiE, AND MY BROTHER AND GO TO SAN LEANDRO HiGH OR WHATEVER SCHOOL DOWN THERE. .
CHOiCE 2- MOVE TO SAN LEANDRO AND STiLL GO TO PiTT.. WHiCH MEANS ME TAKiNG BART AND BUS TO AND FROM SCHOOL UNTiL i GET MY CAR AND EVERYTHiNG..
OR
CHOiCE 3- LiVE WiTH MY MOM FROM MONDAY THROUGH THURSDAY AND jUST GO TO MY DADS ON THE WEEKEND..

WHiCH HECKA OF SUCKS.. COS i ALREADY MOVED SO MANY TiMES, i MOVED FROM OAKLAND TO ANTiOCH TO OAKLEY TO PiTTSBURG AND ANTiOCH.. iT HECKA OF SUCKS. COS i LOST MOST OF MY FRiENDS iN OAKLEY AND ANTiOCH ALREADY. AND iM NOT ABOUT TO LOSE ALL MY FRiENDS iN PiTTSBURG TOO! FOR ONCE i ACTUALLY LiKE THE CiTY i LiVE iN. SOME PEOPLE THiNK THAT PiTTSBURG iS A BAD TOWN OR SOMETHiNG, BUT iF YOU ACTUALLY LOOK AT OUR CiTY, iTS NOT AT BAD AS OAKLEY AND ANTiOCH ARE NOW. YEAH.. PiTTSBURG WAS BAD AT A TiME, BUT iTS GOTTEN BETTER. i LOVE MY FRiENDS iN PiTTSBURG! THEiR LiKE THE BEST FRiENDS i EVER HAD.. WELL SOME OF THEM.. NOT ALL! BUT STiLL, i DONT WANT TO MOVE TO SAN LEANDRO. i jUST WANT TO STAY WiTH THE HiGH SCHOOL i STARTED WiTH, iT WiLL BE SO MUCH EASiER! i WONT HAVE TO MAKE NEW FRiENDS OR WHATEVER! iTS NOT LiKE i HAVE A PROBLEM DOiNG THAT, BUT iVE LiKE FiNALLY FOUND SOME FRiENDS THAT ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT ME. iM NOT SAYiNG MY OLD FRiENDS DiDNT CARE ABOUT ME, BUT THEY ACTUALLY DiDNT KNOW ME, THEY DiDNT HAVE THAT MUCH TiME TO GET TO KNOW ME. iM jUST NOT READY TO MOVE AWAY FROM MY FRiENDS iN HiGH SCHOOL. A PART OF ME jUST WANTS TO MOVE TO SAN LEANDRO AND GO TO SCHOOL DO THERE jUST BECAUSE OF ALL THE DRAMA DOWN HERE, THERES SO MUCH DRAMA i DONT WANT TO DEAL WiTH, AND iTS MOSTLY HELLA OLD SHiT THAT jUST KEEPS POPPiNG UP OUT OF NO WHERE, SO i WOULD jUST RATHER MOVE AWAY AND START ALL OVER. BUT THEN ANOTHER PART OF ME jUST WANTS TO STAY iN PiTT FOR 2 MORE YEARS AND AFTER THAT iTS OVER.

LiKE i DONT WANT TO BE THE TYPE OF PERSON THAT LOSES CONTACT WiTH EVERYONE. i WANT TO HAVE A FRiEND THAT WOULD LAST A LiFETiME, SOMEONE i CAN ACTUALLY CALL A LiFE-LONG FRiEND.. THAT WOULD BE NiCE. OR EVEN jUST SOMEONE THAT GETS ME AND UNDERSTANDS WHERE iM COMiNG FROM. i ALREADY HAVE THREE FRiENDS LiKE THAT AND i DONT WANT TO LOSE THEM! i HONESTLY SERiOUSLY LVOE THEM TO DEATH!! MEGAN, CHRiSSA, AND JESSiKA i LOVE YOU GiRLS! AND FOR A FiRST TiME MY CLOSETS FRiENDS ARE GiRLS.

<3cOuRTnEy

07:44 pm: SHiT
WELL LETS SEE.. THiS WEEKEND WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD iF i DiDNT GET GROUNDED ON FRiDAY! WELL AT LEAST ON FRiDAY i HAD FUN.. LOL. ALRiGHT FRiDAY NiGHT PEOPLE WERE GOiNG TO SLEEP OVER, BUT iNSTEAD ME, EMiLY, BRiANNA, AND jESSiKA WENT OUT WiTH KiM AND HiS FRiEND BRANDON.. LOL YES KiMS GUY! BUT YEAH.. NEWAYS, MY DAD WAS ASLEEP AND i DiDNT FEEL LiKE WAKiNG HiM UP SO i LEFT WiTHOUT TELLiNG ANYONE, WELL i TOLD MY BROTHER BUT WHATEVER. AND MY DAD WOKE UP TRiPPiNG AND WAS HELLA MAD. HE ASKED MY BROTHER WHERE i WAS AND TOLD HiM i WENT OUT WiTH THE TWO GUYS THAT WERE HERE EARLiER AND i GET A CALLiNG FROM CHRiSTiNA WARNiNG ME THAT MY DAD WOKE UP AND WAS HELLA PiSSED! i GET OFF THE PHONE WiTH HER AND i GET ANOTHER CALL FROM MY DAD..  "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?" i WAS LiKE SHiT!! i WAS iN THE HOT TUB AND YEAH! i HAD TO GO STRAiGHT HOME, i WAS HECKA SCARED. FOR SOME REASON, WHEN KiM DROPPED US OFF, i WAS LiKE i KNOW i DONT WANT TO GO iN THERE, SHOULD i? i WAS SERiOUSLY THiNKiNG ABOUT jUST WALKiNG ALL THE WAY TO MY MOMS HOUSE OR SOMETHiNG.. BUT i WENT HOME iNSTEAD.. SHiT MY DAD WAS PiSSED!! AT ME AND MY BROTHER. AND i FEEL BAD.. BECAUSE MY BROTHER THiNKS iTS HiS FAULT.. AND i KNOW iT WAS MY FAULT. i KNEW i SHOULDNT HAVE GONE iN THE FiRST PLACE! BUT YEAH, MY DAD GAVE ME A LiST OF SHiT i HAD TO DO AROUND THE HOUSE AND iT HAD TO BE DONE BY THE TiME HE GOT BACK FROM HiS MOTOR CYCLE RiDE.. MY DAD TOLD ME i WASNT ABLE TO GO TO THE CONCERT ON SUNDAY.. i WAS FUCKiNG PiSSED YOU CANT TELL ME i COULD GO LiKE 5 HOURS AGO AND THEN TELL ME i CANT GO!! WHAT THE FUCK!! THEN HE TELLS ME iM NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANYONE OVER EVER!! AND i HAVE TO COME STRAiGHT HOME FROM SCHOOL! FUCK THAT SHiT!! i AiNT GOiNG TO COME STRAiGHT HOME.. BUT YEAH!

i MiSS MY BAYBEE! i HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO TALK TO HiM THiS WEEKEND!! i HAVENT SEEN HiM SiNCE FRiDAY!! HE DOESNT KNOW iM GROUNDED EiTHER!! i LOVE YOU BAYBEE!! 4*2o*o5 A MONTH AND NiNE DAYS! ALMOST TWO MONTHS!!

<3 cOuRTnEy

05:16 pm: Life..
Alright, again it's been awhile..

I've fucking up my life. I can be getting good grades and actually getting through life. From this day, I'm done! No more smoking! No more cutting class! No more cutting! I can't fuck up my life anymore!

Well I came to this conclusion yesterday, after one of my wrestling coach talked to me about it. But yeah, that conclusion is coming into affect NOW! Maybe thats only because I got caught coming back to school. It sucked, I threw away my full can of Monster! That probably shouldn't be the thing I'm worried about right now! Lol.. Bitch Ass Rich caught me and Megan, and took us to Guy's office. All Guy did was talk to us about it. And was like, I don't know why you guys are cutting.. blah blah blah! He let us off easy and just gave us Saturday School. He also told us to call our parents, I called my house but I turned off the ringer and the answering machine, and I knew my dad wasn't home. So I just acted like I was talking to someone on the phone.

I feel sorry for Megan!! SORRY NINJA!! I mean, she's never got into trouble before, until she started hanging out with us. Shit.. I never really got into trouble before, until I started hanging out with them! But whatever, see I can get off easy with my parents, she can't! Her mom told her, that she's going to DV next year! And that she's moving to Antioch and everything! She can't do that, that's not fair!

I really have to stop hanging out with them. I'm seriously ruining my life! All I do with them is cause trouble or smoke! Mostly both! And honestly I'm getting sick of it! Lately I've been keeping my distance from them and I haven't been smoking that much.

But with everything thats going on, I'm surprised my dad hasn't sent me away yet. Sometimes I wish he would, so I could get away and recover/get my act together from everything. And hopefully when I come back, well if I come back everything would be differemt. But thats if I come back, I might not. It depends, if I like it over there and if I like it over there more than I like it over here. When I went there over the summer, I liked it! And now I miss it! I miss all my friends back there and Ian! But I know my dad won't send me out there. He might say he will, but he will never do it! He loves me too much! And even with all the fighting me and him do, I love him!

05:53 pm: Hmm.. sure why not!
 Am I losing my mind? Am I wrong to think that? I don't know whats going on, I'm so confused! I finally found someone I could actually see myself with. But the thing is I don't know if he feels the same. I mean, yeah we've done something that I wouldn't usually do. When we hang out, outside of school were cool, kind of, but at least we talk. But at school, it's like we don't even know each other, that or were mad at each other. It's pretty sad, I just wish everything went back to normal. I don't want to sound like a bitch and say I regret it. Cos I don't. Hes cool, and I really do love hanging out with him, but it's kind of weird.
 Maybe I should just get enough guts to ask him about everything. But I can't.. I remember the first time anything happened between us. The next day we were talking abou tit and he said it was nothing. I was going to tell him that night, that I liked him. But after he said that I was like "nevermind"
 I thought I was over him, but I'm not. I still like him. And I know i'm going to until i find someone else better than him. Which I can't. It's so not fair!
 Why can't I find anyone?
Am I really that ugly? I mean, I know I'm not pretty and shit.. but oh well!

Life is life, just need to move on.

 My life have gone down the drain. I need to pick myself back up. I need to stop everything thats fucking up m life. I know it's going to be hard. But you didn't see my report card, I'm surprised I'm not grounded. You think if you had a report like mine you would never see the light of day again!

 

10:53 pm: ..Thinking....
My life is so mixed up right now. It's full of drama and confusion! I don't know what to do.. Do I do whats right? Or do I do what makes me happy?

Doing the thing that is right, I already know it's not going to make me happy. Cos I would have to leave the people I love hanging out with. Cos the thing that would be right, would be making my dad and brother happy. Even though I want them happy.. I also want me to be happy. And I'm not going to be happy if I have to leave my friends.. alright only one of my friends. But the thing I don't get is that my brother and dad think they know him.. but they don't. If they did know him, they would know that he watches out for me at school and he always has my back.. They just think they know him, because he went out with one of my friends. But they don't! I just wish I would be able to show them, who he really is. They probably just think hes an asshole, but he isn't.. Hes a really nice guy!

But then there's doing what would make me happy but not my brother and dad. I know I want to be happy.. and I also want my brother and dad to be happy. But pretending I'm not friends with him when I'm around my brother and dad isn't helping me. Every time all of us want to do something together I have to make sure I'm over at my moms house.. Do you know how hard that is? Every time I'm at my dads house and everyone wants to hang out, I can't.. unless someone else picks me up. It sucks! I hate hidding this from my dad.. but theres no other way to do it. I just want everything like how they were, when my brother and him were friends.

~cOuRTnEy

08:51 pm: Update
Wow.. I haven't written in here for a long time. I don't know where I left off from.. so I'm just going to start from N.C.S..

Well.. at NCS I placed 3rd! Megan placed 4th! Jeska placed 4th! Niki placed 2nd! And I think whoever else placed took 6th. And the girls team took home the 3rd place banner! Yeah baby! Well, we went to Newark for NCS and we went with the Varsity guys.. it was fun! I got to the hotel on Thrusday, well when we got there, like a few hours later the coachs left us there by ourselves.. lol! Not a smart move! Heehee.. me and Megan chased Nick and Chavez around that whole hotel for 2 hours!! Cos they wouldn't give us back our room key! Lol.. it was kind of fun.. plus me and Megan met some cute guys in those hallways. Heehee! Then we all wrestled on Friday.. Then after we were done wrestling, the girls were suppose to leave that night. But some of us didn't want to.. so me, Megan, Emily, Brianna, and Jeska all bought a room together. And after I was done buying the room, there was this one guy at the front desk and he was done the same time I was. And he asked how I did in the tournament and everything. It was cool, he was hecka cute! Lol.. and I didn't even get his name! DAMN!! Lol.. So we went to our new room and within like the first 5 minutes people already knew what room we were in. The first people up there was Joaquin and Mundo. Then the next 10 minutes more people came, which was Tony, Jaiver, David, and two girls from our team. Then were got pretty bored in our room, so we went out looking for something to do and someone was looking for some trees, which they were found! Lol.. but when they found it I was already back to my room. So yeah, then it was just me and Megan chillin in our room.. then later on Brianna and Emily came back for alittle while, then they went to go back, so I went with them from alittle bit. And of course the person I didn't like on our team was in the room we went to, so I stayed for like 5 minutes and I left with Emily, then me and Emily went back to our room and chillin outside and talked for like 3 hours. It was cool. Then we got tired and went to sleep. Then at like 6 in the morning Jeska and Brianna came back to the room. Lol.. then at like 11 we all got up and Wilson came to pick us up to go back to the tournament. Then tournament was boring that day for some reason, even though I got to see Phil and the guy I was talking to the nigth before. But we only said Hi, cos he was leaving! DAMN!! Still didn't get his name or number! Lol.. Well since the tournament was boring some of us wanted to leave early. So Megan called her parents and they came to pick, her, me, Joaquin, Mundo, and Jaiver up. After we dropped all them off I went over to Megans house and spent the night there. Cos I didn't feel like going to my moms house. Heehee!

Monday.. I went to only first period and I came home. Becos I didn't feel like being at school. So Megan and Chrissa came with me. But first we walked to Starbucks.. then of course we had some trees on us and we ended up hot boxing my room!! Lol.. it was fun! Then Hoke, Rick, and Joaquin came over and we smoked some more.. Then they left and at like 5 my mom came and picked us up. It was a fun day! When my mom picked us up, me and Chrissa went to Taco Bell..

Tuesday.. wasn't much of a fun day! I got in HELLA trouble. Okay, cos I went to school and only went for one period.. and me and Megan just walked to my dads house. And we had trees on us and we smoked in the house. Cos I didn't feel like getting up to go outside and plus we were watching a movie. Which was no big deal becos the smoke would come in if we opened the door. But well I guess someone narced me out, becoz my brother called me and told me to get my ass back to school and he said he was going to tell my dad that I've been skipping again.. And then Hoke and Chrissa came over.. so we had to leave. On our way back to the school I get a phone call from my dad.. getting my ass chewed out! Not such a good thing. And when I get back at school, people are talking shit and everything. So at the end of lunch I was sick and tired of her shit.. so I walked up to her and pushed her.. becos for some reason I really wanted to fight. But of course her boyfriend jumpped in.. So yeah.. So, in the middle of 5th period my teacher gets a phone to have me call my dad right away. So I got out into the hallway and I called my dad and he starts yelling at me for trying to get into a fight! So by 6th period everybody already knows that I tried to fight Jennifer.. and you know what! I would've kicked her ass.. I know I would have!! I fucking hate her with a pasion!! And my coachs already know.. so yeah! I really don't care! And she's trying to tell everyone she could kick my ass!! Bitch!! I would kick your ass with one hand.. I could be high and drunk and not able to walk a straight line and still kick your ass!! So after school I went to the baseball games.. I wasn't about to go to my dads and have him kill me! Then my mom picked me, Megan, and Chrissa up and we went to Taco Bell.. then dropped everyone off.

Wednesday.. me and Chrissa went to school HELLA early! We got there at like 6:40.. So we went to the back and smoked before school.. It was cool.. then yeah.. I don't really remember anything.. Then after school me, Megan, and Chrissa went to Megan's house.

Well.. thats pretty much it for now.. Gotta go..

XoXo..
cOuRTnEy

12:28 pm: Life could be better
Hey people.. I know I haven't written in here for awhile, I don't know why.. I just haven't. Well yesterday, I didn't go to school.. well I did, but I left during 1st period. I hung out with Michigan all day.. it was cool I guess. Then we went to the mall to buy Nina and Emily something for their birthday. I bought Nina a shirt and something else and I bought Emily perfume. After school Emily came over and I gave her, her presents. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Me and Emily made some food.. while it was cooking Nina came over.. and of course I gave her her gifts. Then after we were done cooking the food. Then my dad and Annie come home.. and I was fucking blasted! I so scared out of my like!! Ahaha.. but it was kind of funny at the same time! Cos yeah, and I had my glasses on the whole time. It was hella dark! Heehee! Then Michigan came over after Emily left.. I wounder why?! HmMm.. oOo I know!! Nevermind.. anyways.. yeah. I don't know what to say anymore. That's just everything thats happened so far in this weekend!

How you ever felt like someone is using you?! It's worse when that someone is suppose to be your friend. But whatever.. it's not the first time. It's like he does it every single time.. and I'm not the only one thats noticed it. But whatever.. he says "your my sister" FUCK THAT!! I only have one brother and thats Nick, and the only other person that I've called my brother that really wasn't was Nick R. So I don't know what the fuck his talking about. It is because I'm gullable?!.. But thats where I draw my line.. you WERE a cool friend, but I can't handle your shit anymore! I would just say fuck you to your face, but it's kind of hard.. becuz my dad likes you.. So you know what.. you just need to keep your own fucking penis in your house.. don't be bring it out in mine! I'M FUCKING SICK OF THIS!

06:37 pm: 25% good 25% bad & 50% DRAMA!!!
Hey people!! This week theres been some good parts, some bad parts, and some drama!

Good parts: I got to see Nina, Casey, and everyone from Oakley!!! And I meet some new people.. who are HOT!! and all that good stuff! I got to hang out with Nina for the day and go to the movies with her..

Bad parts: Well.. this part is kind of a good part but whatever.. I finally got over someone!! But as I was getting over him, he makes-out with my friend right in front of me!!

DRAMA parts: Someone just pisses me off and fucking keeps hurting my friends!! And my friend got arrested and now on lock down!!

YeStErDaY - Woke up at like 5 in the morning and I only went to sleep at like 4.. me and Megan.. then got a ride with Michigan to the school.. cuz we had to go to a Wrestling tournament at Freedom.. we placed 3rd!! I was hecka mad cuz I couldn't wrestle!!.. cuz of my stupid shoulder!! It wasn't even into half of the day.. and there was drama with my friend!! Then I saw Roger there!! He looked weird that day!! But oh well.. then Nina came and hung out with me for the day! Then after the tournament we went home and got ready for the movies. So me, Megan, Chavez, and Michigan met Nina over at the Antioch movies.. we saw the Boogyman!! That movie was pretty cool.. I saw Casey, Karli, Whitney, Bri.. and all of them there! Then after the movies we went to Starbucks.. and Chavez and Michigan were break dancing! It was pretty funny! Then when we got home.. Brianna came over!

06:53 am: I PLACE 8th IN STATE!!
Wut up people! Alright I haven't updated for awhile.. lets see.. I took 8th in state!!! YEAH BABY!! Not bad for my first time.. Personaly I thought I could've done better..

ToDaY - I have wrestling pictures and a meet against CVHS..

YeStErDaY - It was good until wrestling practice.. I fucking fucked up my shoulder and I haven't gone to the doctors yet! Heehee.. I fucking heard something in my shoulder crack!! And it hurts like a mother fucking bitch!! So shit.. I going to be out of wrestling for a little bit.. and I have fucking North Coast coming up!! Damnit.. this sucks!! But that thing that was cool yesterday.. is that we got a new kid on our wrestling team.. his from Deer Valley, his pretty cute! Heehee.. Then last night, Fezz and Conner came over! Dude I haven't seen Conner for days!!

MoNdAy - SO MUCH DRAMA!! I don't even want to say!!

08:47 pm: I'M GOING TO STATE!!
I'M GOING TO STATE!! (scared)

So yesterday I had Regionals.. so I was in San Leandro for like 15 hours!! Lol.. But I place 3rd! And I bite the fuck out of my tongue! It started bleeding while I was wrestling. And when LuLu threw me down and my face hit the mat, the blood just poured out of the side of my month!! It was hella tight! And my dad got in on video!! Heehee! So yeah.. I'm going to State!! I'm kinda scared!!

Last night.. after the tournament.. Magen came over and stayed the night. So we were playing DDR.. then my brother, Michigan, Fezz, and Andrew came home from Toys R Us! Then Kevin came over.. then Stacie.. then Pat.. then Elliott.. then Chavez.. then Emily and her sister.. then some other girl. Alot of people!! Then everyone but me, Magen, Chavez, and Elliott left.. then yeah! Around like midnight.. Chavez and Elliott left! Then me and Magen went to sleep. Then Andrew, Michigan, and my brother came back at like 1.

XoXo..
cOuRTnEy

11:44 pm: REGIONS!! I'm getting scared!!
Hey people!!

REGION'S TOMORROW!!

Why am I getting hecka of nervous?! OMG!! I've been wrestling these girls the whole season.. and now I'm scared!!

Alright.. hmm.. Today is Friday! What did I do?! OoOh.. went to school.. Then went to wrestling practice, but I didn't practice but yesterday I hurt my shoulder again! Sucks ass!! So at practice, it was just like a "make weight" kind of practice.. then towards the end.. Russo made them play slap back!! Ahaha!! That shyt was funny as hell!! They screamed like babies!! So yeah.. then after practice, me and Michigan got a ride from Emily.. and we just chilled at home for a little bit. Waited for Emily to pick us up.. then went to the movies with Saul, Alyssa, Magen, Emily, and Michigan. The movie we saw was HELLA tight.. but this one guy was like trying to sit closer to me.. and I didn't even know him. And by the end of the movie he was just two seats away from me! I was like WTF!! Then after the movie me and Michigan played some DDR.. then me and Magen played DDR twice!! It was fun!! Heehee!! I got a ride home with Emily, Michigan, and Saul.. we dropped Saul off first, then me, and then Michigan.. so now I'm here!! So much fun!! WHOOA! Lol.. just kidding!!

XoXo..
cOuRTnEy

06:22 pm: I feel so stupid!!
Alright.. Some of you know that I'm just now getting my friendship back with this one guy(j.c).. some of you people know who. But if you don't then I guess too bad. I mean we didn't talk for almost 3 months, we never said a word to each other. We would barely even look at each other.. that's how pretty sad it was. And at the beginning of this month we started talking alittle more.. just not in front of his girlfriend. I feel so stupid! I keep letting him come back, even when he still has a girlfriend. The whole reason why we stopped talking in the first place, was people found out about us and what we did. And he was mad at me, becuz he thought I told everyone! Which is bullshyt!! And I know who fucking said shyt!! And trust me his still not on my good side.. and never will be ever again!! But sometimes I really do wish I can turn back time and never did what we did.. But at the same time I don't regret it! I don't know why.. but I still have feelings for him! And I know I should stop.. but it's hard! I seriously don't know what to do! I mean.. everytime we're together be get along fine, it's like nothing ever happened between us! It's werid! You would he would treat you with a different attitude.. but he doesn't! I mean, I like it and everything, but it's still weird!! I just don't know what to do!! Do I go along with it? Or do I just say.. "hey you had you chance and you blew it?" I don't know and it's driving me CRAZY!!

06:51 pm: WUT IS IT NUGGA!! (HA just kidding)
WUT IS IT NUGGA!! heehee..

Wrestling Tournament
RECORD: 3-2
SELF PLACE MENT: 4TH
TEAM PLACE MENT: 4TH


Alright.. well since yesterday, I've been in Napa.. HA!! Didn't have to go to skool!! YEAH BUDDY!! Then went straight to Napa.. Tell me why I waited 12 hours to only wrestle for 50 SECONDS!?! HA!! Yeah.. I sat there for 12 hours.. and when it was my turn to wrestle. I only wrestled for 50 seconds.. Cuz I pinned her fat ass! HA! And she started crying during the match again!! So.. yeah.. Went to the hotel room, took a shower, then went out to dinner.. but me and Emily chilled in the hotel room and did alittle Stream Room.. HA!! HELLA hot up in there! And me and Emily were hella jumping on the beds!! HA!! SHH.. they don't know!! Then everyone got back and we just chilled in the rooms. Me and Emily stayed up until midnight just talking! It was cool, then we had to get some sleep cuz we had to go but to the High School and wrestle some more!!

Then Today.. went back to the High school.. at like 7am for way-ins! Then went back to the hotel to get breakfest and packed our stuff and went back to the school. And the wrestling started!! YEAH!! Alright.. so your had to win at least 2 or 3 on Friday to make it to Saturday.. and so on Friday we had 12 girls and today we only had 6 six girls.. and only 3 placed! It was cool!! I could have had first!! I was so mad.. I WANT A REMATCH!! But oh well!! I GET TO ORDER MY LETTERMEN JACKET THIS WEEK!!

XoXo..
cOuRTnEy